But then, there are these quirks that men have that aggravate me to no end. I’m sure we annoy you plenty, too, and I know it’s not fair to lump all the males in one. But I’ve asked around, and my girlfriends and sisters have compiled a formidable list of what all we would like our men to miss.
First on, there’s the preconception that all women are feminine (and worse still, should remain so). If you’ve read Harry Potter, you’ll know this one: when Hermione cooks every meal for Harry and Ron, and Ron keeps complaining about each dish, Hermione finally bursts out: “I seem to be doing all the cooking around here. Must be because I am a woman!”[break]
Yes, I completely know how she feels. How, just because I’m a female, men immediately assume that I must’ve been versed in the culinary arts since birth, that I must be an expert at washing and cleaning and sewing and knitting and all the other ‘housewifely’ acts because that’s what a girl must be. Right?
Well, wrong!
While I would certainly like to be the kind of person who dabbles in all of these, the reality is that I was brought up pretty much like all the oblivious men out there. I have the same tastes as you do, I get equally (and even more) tired after a day of work, it’s not as if my job is any less taxing than yours. There are days I feel feminine, and days I don’t; so please allow me that liberty. Some days I’ll put on a little kohl, and other days I’ll look like a zombie, and still other days I’ll be in my ‘just-out-of-bed’ look. At those times, don’t tell me that a woman must pull herself together, must put on some makeup or high heels or whatever, she must be demure, she must be caring, must look after everyone.
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I beg you, please don’t even harbor those notions (and pardon the cliché) because I don’t want to fail up in your idea of a perfect girl every single time. And never, ever dare say “That’s like a typical girl.” No one wants to be a typical girl.
I would also like to protest against the (false, untrue, intimidating) expectation that all women have strong maternal instincts (and anyone who decides otherwise should be derided and ostracized). Also the belief that every woman wants to be, and indeed must be, a mother, or else her life is doomed. That she must somehow be programmed to know all about how to deal with a baby, otherwise she’s less than a woman.
I protest, vehemently. And I know a lot, lot of my sisters will, too. Just because I’m a girl, I don’t WANT to have a child, I don’t desire to hug babies as soon as I see them, I don’t revel in their godliness, and I have absolutely no clue what to do with a newborn infant. I would run away screaming, too, so please don’t expect me to be nurturing and loving and extend my goodwill to all the babies in the world.
There’s been enough said about the male gaze that strays southwards of our faces (and remains glued there for the rest of the conversation): To be absolutely honest, this didn’t bother me much until the person was an absolute lecher. I mean, sure, I feel uncomfortable, too, if someone pays more attention to my… assets… rather than my intelligence. But I just assumed it was some kind of a subconscious reaction. Scientists always say we have still got the old hunter instincts where we’re constantly searching for the best mate — which, unsurprisingly, happens to be a well-endowed individual.
That was until a friend put it on the top of her pet peeves about men, and I saw her reason, too. We’re already burdened by all these aforementioned baggage that weighs us down no end, so we would be much obliged if you settled your eyes on the pretty house behind our backs instead, thank you very much.
Also, please don’t equate a smile, a friendly chat, or even the mild flirtation with love. Please! That’ll be highly detrimental to both of us. I have never been able to understand this concept — if I exchange a ‘hello’ with a guy, I don’t go around strutting and bragging about my (imaginary) conquest. So why, just why, must you imagine that I have an interest in you just because I am nice to you?
I’ve learnt this the really bitter way. There was once a guy I considered to be a good friend —he was encouraging, appreciative, and we often discussed ideas on writing. That was the era of ‘missed calls’ where we exchanged missed calls to signify we were missing or remembering each other. I remember that I was an aggressive ‘missed caller,’ returning all the calls and giving lots of my own.
Until one day I heard that my ‘friend’ had said, “This girl doesn’t let me sleep all night, giving me missed calls all the time.”
Well, that was it. I not only stopped every form of “missed calling,” I began to treat every ‘friend’ with suspicion, and haven’t been able to let down my guard since then. See, this is what one wrong word of yours does to the female race. It makes them guarded, and hostile, and wary. And you wonder why women are so.
Another mistake men make is underestimating women. Which is really, really aggravating and unbelievably irritating, and you’ll never realize this until it’s been done to you.
I’m the first to admit that I’m not clever enough to imagine of a career in rocket science, or even simple everyday physics. But that doesn’t mean that I’m intellectually deficient.
Nor my sisters are. So don’t, ever, make the mistake of considering we don’t understand, or don’t need to.
The final point – and the one that makes me change my tone into a really serious one – is this: I hate men’s coercion. I dislike being told what to do, and when, and in what manner, because “that is the best way.” Yours might be the most scientific and well-planned strategy, but that doesn’t mean you have to force us to follow it.
All of it, then, boils down to just one thing: Don’t you dare judge us. Be our friend, and respect us, but let us be ourselves – and a friendlier woman you’ll nowhere see.
Désirée feels exactly as she’s spe
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