As night matures, so does the conversation which picks up volume. Fellow diners look over the shoulders but our ladies could care less. Laid back, there are giggles and heads are thrown back highly in laughter, commemorating the good times in life. The food at the table sits untouched as conversations hover on life, partners and children, politics, exotic recipes and household tips. Conversations go mellow. Advices are shared. There are tears. Clearly, this is where the men aren’t!
Rekha Neupane, Aparna Gurung, and Subha KC have been friends since school. Now in their early 40s, their camaraderie is something to envy, and when it comes to their ritual weekend meeting, excuses like “my tummy hurts” or “my husband has friends over for dinner” are “un-ac-cept-a-ble.”
Rekha: We’ve to meet every Friday or Saturday. It’s a must. No excuses, no bailing out. Not unless you’ve died.
Aparna: Rekha is the queen of bad jokes.
Subha nods in consent.
Rekha: You aren’t a very nice friend.
Subha: Go find yourself better friends then.
The relationship between these women is fascinating and has always been of particular fascination to their husbands. And why wouldn’t it be, too? They are an enormous part of one another’s lives and have at times even opted to go out among themselves instead of a romantic dinner with their partners.
“There was this one time when my husband wanted to take me out after work but I already had plans for a movie and I stuck to it,” says Aparna with a characteristic flip of her hair.
Aparna, like Rekha and Subha, is a housewife and so this attitude of hers is considered particularly formidable in her own family where a housewife’s duty is first and foremost to take care of her husband.
“I shouldn’t be judged if I would like to spend some time with my friends instead of my husband. After all, I need the “me” time to rejuvenate.”
“Being a housewife is a tedious job. You’re on duty 24/7. There’s not a minute’s rest which is precisely why we depend on these outings to recharge ourselves,” says Subha, gesturing with metronomic consistency as she speaks in support of Aparna.
Women are labeled daughters, wives and mothers; their identity somewhat being associated with somebody else throughout their lives. Amidst these identities, there are some women who want to carve their own niche, have their own space and basically be themselves, and these dates with their girlfriends gives them the perfect opportunity to do just that.
Sonia Pokhrel, 51, is another such woman who, like Rekha’s trio, depends on her friends for a revival in life. A yoga freak and a housewife, she is addicted to her rendezvous with her friends.
“There are certain things you can’t share with your spouse or your family but your friends are always there and the comfort level between close friends is such that there are no inhibitions,” says Sonia whose friends include Neeta Singh Karki, Arzu Rana Deuba, Kamla Bisht and Bandana Rana, all of whom are the same age as Sonia.
Neeta is a housewife like Sonia but the rest are working women whose jobs keep them very busy. But even then, they try to meet as often as they can, making sure they are together on special occasions like birthdays, Valentine’s Day and new years, and the times they are together bustle with energy and the talks are never ending.
“We talk about anything and everything under the sun. Mostly, we crib about our husbands,” shares Sonia who is all smiles and laughs. “Initially, we used to meet once a week or once in two weeks but now it’s come down to once a month or so because Kamla and Bandana are extremely overworked. But when we do get together, we have fun like it’s the last day of our lives,” says Sonia without stopping to take a breath.
Neeta echoes the same statement, adding, “The times we spend together recharge us and fill us with a newfound passion and enthusiasm for life.” Subha shares similar feelings and keeps reiterating how these night-outs fill her with confidence and a sense of courage that routine life seems to zap out of her.
“We look forward to our dinners and movie dates. These occasions are special because they give each of us a chance to be ourselves and clear our heads of all our worries,” shares Kamla with a glint in her eyes and a chirp in her voice that reflects the happy state she is in when she is with her friends.
The talks between these lovely ladies range from home issues to running the country but they try and not talk about work as far as possible. “The conversation steers to work problems very frequently and Neeta and I have to keep reminding the rest that we’re out to have fun and not stress over work-related matters,” says Sonia with a laugh that seems to punctuate every sentence she utters.
Kamla can’t help respond to Sonia’s statement, saying, “When work seems to dominate your life, it’ll crop up in your conversation. Sometimes you want your friends to advise you or just listen to your complaints. That’s completely understandable, isn’t it?”
For the housewives, too, talks about their husbands and kids seem to dominate their conversation. “For working women, their jobs take the priority, so they end up talking more about work issues. But for us, our conversations are centered on our families,” shares Rekha.
Whatever the talks might be about, the dates are a huge part of the ladies’ lives, providing them the perfect chance to let their hair down. The only difference between Sonia’s friends’ circle and Rekha’s trio is that Sonia and her friends don’t meet on a weekly basis but the reasons behind their get-togethers seem to be the same. These women all need an escape from their routine life; an escape from their husbands and familial responsibilities too at times.
Rekha mentions, in the course of the conversation on the Friday evening that has now morphed into a starry night, that the weekly dinner date is what she draws strength from.
These dates are times when she can let out the steam, take a step back and look at what’s happening in her life, get a fresh perspective and some good advice and prepare to take life head on once again.
“Daily life can be taxing in so many ways and you need an outlet,” chimes in Aparna just as Subha starts talking about how she goes home at the end of their weekly dinner with a newfound resoluteness that keeps her happy all through the coming week.
The thinning out of people at the restaurant signifies the end of another joyful evening. The wine bottle is empty but much of the food is still left on the plates. The invigorating chatter barely gave them enough time to both eat and drink, and they chose to drink. The ladies split the bill and reluctantly get up to leave but not before they have planned for their next night out. As they head home, they are once again ready to take on all the responsibilities that come with being a “woman.” And if anything goes wrong, they have their next tête-à-tête to look forward to in any case.
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