I really, and I mean really like this guy but he says he isn’t interested in me because I am 20 and he is 24 turning 25 in a month’s time. He’s always on my mind and he recently stopped accepting gifts from me. I think he has a girlfriend and sometimes I think about meeting her and giving her a piece of my mind and just tell her to get out of his life. How do I handle this? I’m worried but every time I see him, I get aggressive. Help!
-Moni
For the past several weeks, I have been telling all the lovesick people that we have no control over how other people feel for us. But may be I won’t tell you that. I have been rethinking – if we continue to a person with all our hearts and with persistence and patience, we can perhaps change the way s/he feels about us. True crushes may, however never get replicated. But then if it’s a crush, it will crush sooner or later anyway. So no use bothering – just move on. But if it is love, then continue loving as if it were a prayer – not as if it were a war where you have to beat the other person down. There’s no use fighting at this stage, you’ve lost the war – he likes her, she likes him. But if instead of fighting, we just loved, that might bring change of hearts! My newfound wisdom says that true love like prayers is always answered soon or later.
Dear Swastika,
I am 17 and I think I’m going under depression. I don’t feel like eating and I end up have arguments with my parents all the time. I don’t know how to react to people anymore. I’ve started thinking twice before I say something and sometimes I just can’t control. What is this? Also, who should I see? I feel like I have the worst life ever.
- Bablu
The fact that you are reaching out and taking about your depression is a good sign – it is the first step towards healing. Depression is a medical condition that you can treat and get under your control. Sometimes, depression could be caused by some biological conditions – hormonal imbalances - that when treated, will get you out of depression. Depression makes everything seems darker. But I want you to promise yourself to always remember that the world is much more beautiful than what you see right now and that you will stay committed to finding treatment. Your happiness might be just a few pills away. Please do see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Majority of clinics these days have a psychiatrist. Stay committed to your recovery. The most challenging thing about depression is that the one who is depressed is the one who has to actively work towards treatment; no one else can do that for them.
Dear Swastika,
I recently appeared for my exams of HSEB and I can’t stop panicking. Every time, I sit for the exam, I sweat and I can’t seem to breathe. I’ve never had this and it started just recently. A friend told me that it might be panic attack. Do I see a doctor? Or what?
- Neha
It is possible that you are suffering for panic disorder, which usually starts in early teens to early adulthood. It is possible that your panic attacks are not just about exams, but deeper fears and trauma that’s triggered by stressful situation such as exams. Sometimes these fears and trauma are so deep in our consciousness that we may not even remember. If not treated, this could have a serious implication on your health and your quality of life. You should definitely see a psychiatrist. Meditation as well as traditional or modern healing seems to have worked for people in ways that are not always clear - but if it works then that’s all we care about. Having an insight into yourself and your symptoms might be really important in your speedy recovery. Please do some internet research on it. To start with www.mayoclinic.com could be an interesting resource.
Dear Swastika,
I just started working after finishing my undergraduate studies from KU, but my parents are too protective and keep calling me in the evening when I’m hanging around with my colleagues. I’m 22 and I think I am old enough to take care of myself. How do I tell my parents to stop forcing things on me?
– Mehul
Simply say it in the most plain and simple way possible. Sometimes we overthink things. Our needs are simple, but instead of making a simple request for that simple need, we create Mahabharata it our heads. In your head, you make yourself a Rakshyasa who is about launch war with the Gods. You put up your shields and stack arrows and tighten our defenses in anticipation of a war. In your head you yell at them, they fight back, you get angrier, they start shooting you down, and a war breaks out and arrows start flying in the air. Stop! Wake up. There’re your parents. Tell them what you need – Nicely! You are not Rakshyasa and they are not Gods. Simple tell them casually as many times you need to. Or you can also roll over on the floor like a baby and cry out – stop telling me what to do! That’s an age old technique of how children got what they wanted from their parents.
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She’s has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade.
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