“I can never think of loving anyone else than him,” says Teju. “I have devoted my life for him and I don´t think anything can change that.”
The person she is referring to is not a male physically. He is actually a transgender, or a female-turned-male, who is almost double her age.
“Age does not matter. Height does not matter. Weight does not matter,” says Teju. “What matters is the heart. He loves me whole heartedly and I love him no less.”
“It is not that I am not sensible or I have gone mad. I have very carefully listened to my heart and reasoned with my mind and moved ahead in this relationship,” says Teju, adding that the challenges lies ahead for which she and her partner are quite prepared. [break]
Then there is a story of Rajani and Sharma, both of whom identify themselves as girls and are in passionate love with each other and have been living together for around a year now.
As one of them was previously married to a man, they had to go through hell to make it happen, but it was not possible to give up after "discovering that we were made for each other."
After their case could not be solved just with the help of some human rights organizations, the matter reached the Supreme Court, which decided in their favor a year ago, letting them live together undisturbed.
The society finds it very hard to comprehend and endorse such relationships. Such bonds are branded as "unnatural" and looked down upon, making it hard for the couples to survive in the society.
Yet, the couples hardly give up. There are over 100 same sex couples living in Kathmandu district alone, according to Laxmi Ghalan, president of Mitini Nepal, an organization of sexual minorities. That the society is not yet liberal toward same sex relationships and the law has not certified it yet, the lives of the people in such relationship is extremely troublesome.
Ghalan explains that it is not a matter of their choice but who they are, which they cannot change even if they want. “Can you love a woman even if you are given all the riches of the world? I guess no!” Ghalan asks every ´normal´ girl. “But can you stop yourself from feeling for a guy of your choice?”
Ghalan stresses that the society has to understand that nobody would like to invite trouble in their life by going against it until and unless that is something out of his or her hand. “It is very simple if you are willing to understand. Love and feelings are not something you can create forcefully and it applies to everyone.”
Teju, who has received serious marriage proposals from several guys, felt as any normal girl of her age till she was a child. Later, she does not remember being attracted to anyone, neither boys, nor girls.
“Of course, I was waiting for someone special to come in my life. And I knew that I was not very much interested in guys, no matter how smart they appeared,” recalled Teju. “I had started working for an organization where I came in contact with him. Others might view him as female, but for me, he is a complete male and, more importantly, someone I always wanted in my life,” Teju confessed.
In case of Rajani, she was married off at the age of 18. It took a few years for her to realize the reason of her sadness despite having a fairly supportive husband and family. “I would have no such feelings for men. I only could feel for women,” says Rajani.
Her ´late´ realization threatened to put her entire family in trouble. However, Rajani and Sharmila decided to do face any difficulty that came in the way of their union.
Everyone has the right to be happy. However, in case of gender minorities, it comes at tremendous cost. The society has changed but not enough to let the community live as freely and as happily as others. This could have been a bit different had the government ´ensured everyone´s right to happiness and freedom´.
Badri Pun
President of Inclusive Forum Nepal
How is the situation of third-gender people in Nepal?
It is far better than in the past. The government has recognized us as ´others´. We were even counted in the census 2011. I had been fighting for machine readable passport recognizing me as ´third gender´ and the Supreme Court decided in my favor three months ago. All these are landmark achievements that suggest things are getting better for us. However, there are still huge challenges. There is still no situation for us to live ´as we are´. But at least these days people like us can come forward without fear.
What sort of challenges are you facing?
To get rooms we have to hide our identity and relationship. They simply shoo us away. Many of us are from remote districts struggling to make our life better here in the capital. For some others, it is not a choice but a compulsion to come here. In villages, it is harder to survive if you have married with a same sex person. As the same sex marriage is not legal, we do not have documents or marriage certificates. That deprives us of the right to property and so on. In case of transgender, the problem compounds and the society is even more shocked to see someone who acts as female or male though they are physically just the opposite!
Why is your organization demanding seats in the CA?
Yes, we want reserved seats for us in the CA. We need to be there to speak our voice. Our voice cannot be spoken by someone else. So we demand that there should be representation of gender minorities in the CA. We demand the same sex marriage to be legalized. If the government waits for the society to be positive towards it before legalizing it, that is never going to happen. But once the law protects our relationship, the people would be forced to accept us, too. Or else, we will continue to suffer.
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