You can enter one looking like a tramp (on some days even the best of us cannot be bothered) and you'll find that the tea is always sweet, the colour strong, the hygiene dubious and the conversation riveting. This particular tea shop near my home – mercifully devoid of those uniform clad college students smoking furtively and discussing their juvenile problems – was a busy place on the morning of the day after KP Oli was elected as the 38th Prime Minister of Nepal.
The conversation revolved not only around the appointment of Oli, but on the heroes and villains of the constitutional saga so far in reference to an article published in a Nepali daily. The Tea Shop Committee, as I like to call them, comprised Mr Tracksuit, Mr Dunkin Donut (dunk them in his tea), Mr Diabetic (no sugar tea), Mrs Doubtfire (always sceptical and also the wife of Mr Tracksuit if I'm not mistaken), and Jha 'Sir' (as people called him).
The debate on the current situation and the character studies were as expected loud, spirited and biased but our venerated committee were nearly unanimous in their findings of the ultimate winners and losers of this saga. The fact that we're not out of the woods yet seemed to be completely lost on them and exhibiting a quintessentially Nepali trait to go with the setting, they wished to take care of all business, winners and losers before Dashain. I've learned to accept that come hell or high weather nothing gets in the way of our Dashain – not even the constitution, blockade, fuel shortages or changing Prime Ministers.
And the winners are...
The Tea Party after a lot of deliberation and debate pronounced the winners to be KP Oli, Prachanda, Mr 'Gentle' Koirala and the entire Thapa clan. Mr Oli is currently enjoying the wave of cautious optimism brought about by the 'new leader' syndrome. In between the overdone references to the 'Oli-Oil' anagram, they point to the increased entry of fuel tankers to make their case.
By electing him we've also apparently shown India that we can actually choose whoever we want as our Prime Minister. A big help to Mr Oli's case is that the first phase of Bihar Elections was yesterday, second is today and then after that is when the blockade will apparently be lifted. The rest of the seats for election are due for 28th October, 1st and 5th November and are either places where BJP and its allies are set to win or places where the Muslim vote bank will be fragmented by MIM, JDU and LJP (I had to look this up later on). Not too shabby for a tea shop analyst.
Then there is Kamal Thapa and his lot who will manage to get plum positions in the new government despite being shorn of any political agenda. Mr Tracksuit quite emphatically added 'Since when has a political party in Nepal needed an agenda?' Indeed. Get this guy on TV!
However the committee – not one to take decisions lightly – surprised me by including Mr 'Gentle' Koirala among the pantheon of winners. Yes, he passed the first constitution written by the people's representatives and etched his name into the history books. But how is he a winner after being vilified for his part in the prime ministerial selection debacle?
Mr Sugar Free warned us that he would eventually end up a winner when he is elected the President of Nepal and the first person to hold both the PM and President's posts. He went on to add that if the NC were to bargain for the post, they would get it because without their seats a two-third majority for amending the constitution is not possible. Mr Sushil will probably be ushered into the post by the other leaders in his party leaving them alone to consolidate their internal power. I was getting more and more impressed by the minute because it all sounded very plausible, to be honest. At the risk of contracting diabetes, I ordered another cup of tea.
As the conversation progressed it was the inimitable Prachanda who was unanimously declared the clear winner to emerge from this entire circus. From mending his ties with the other communists to laying the foundations for a political comeback, he has undoubtedly been very busy lately. The king maker with his role in pushing through the constitution, his nationalist rhetoric and grandstanding seems to have turned his image around from that of a serpentine opportunist to a people's champion. I couldn't help thinking that we have very short memories indeed.
Our commiserations go to...
Anyway, we got to the losers of this saga and this time there was a split decision with all members agreeing on the inclusion of India and the Madheshis but divided on Dr BRB. Mrs Doubtfire said that while India might have shown its muscle this time round, their real achievement has been to open the eyes of our inept establishment to the need of diversifying our trade with other countries (read China).
We won't do away with them, but at the very least take slow steps to lean away from the culture of readily seeking their blessings to do everything. The panel, over second cups of tea, were very optimistic that India's stance would now lessen the impact of their future influence in our affairs and just as pessimistic that it certainly wouldn't happen in their lifetimes.
The Madheshis, on the other hand, had quite a few sympathizers amongst them and it was surprising given the biased ethnicity of the people present there. They understood the cause of the agitation (but not the blockade) and empathized with the people (not the politicians) and questioned the credibility of the leaders of the 'andolan'. However, they see a hardening of the establishment's stance towards Madhesh once the immediate crisis is over and India leaves them out to dry. And with Oli as a leader it is entirely plausible, much to the detriment of the agitators. "They were bound to lose as some of their demands were simply non –negotiable and both sides were looking for a safe landing with the winds definitely favoring a landing on the Nepali side of the fence," chimed Mr Donut in between his bouts of dunking.
The last topic before this early morning crew disbanded was that of Dr Baburam Bhattarai. He was as much an enigma amongst the TSC as he is in real life even with one Maoist present amongst the committee. No one could quite understand his motives but all of them were certain that his 'new power' wouldn't get their vote when it came to elections. Intentions count for nothing and the people present saw him varyingly as an 'Indian agent', an educated opportunist, a failed messiah or just a lousy communist with a political liability of a wife. There were no takers for his shenanigans putting him firmly in our loser's bracket.
Mr Oli really should come around to this tea shop if only for a photo opportunity à la Barack Obama and his burger joint visits. It's not very far from his temporary party quarters in Dhumbarahi and might actually help him foster a 'man of the people' image. He doesn't have to look the part and may also end up getting some good political insight from these conversations. He should also remember to bring his sugar free tablets along.
gunjan.u@gmail.com
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