UJJWALA MAHARJAN
I’ve been micromanaging a lot of things for the past few days. Preparing for a long travel –my first long travel – I’ve been constantly thinking about things to shop for, things to read, and things to get done before I leave. And it’s exhausting.[break]
But it’s not just when I have travel anxiety that I’m thinking too much. But I guess it’s an inherent quality in me. Good/bad? I don’t really know.
I do know that it hinders me from being able to get my articles done as fast as I would like to get them done. I’m always editing too much in the head before I even have anything typed out on the plain Word document where the cursor keeps playing peek-a-boo till I want to pull my hair out.
During one of the seminars I had attended, an elderly speaker had held up his slender hand to touch his forehead and had said, “One should also learn how NOT to think sometimes.” I agreed. “Giving a break to your mind rejuvenates you, preparing you to work better afterwards” he added, and I agreed again.
But how I wished he would’ve also taught me how you accomplished that. Meditation – most would say. But you expect me to stay put in one place for hours and think nothing? I don’t think so.
And I remember, while watching comedian Russell Peters make a joke about how women always kept on thinking about one thing or the other and guys could actually have “nothing” going on in their heads, I sat there laughing, but at the same time thinking, “He must be lying. How can anyone have nothing going on in the head?”
What I think is all of us – women and men – do it at one point or the other – think till our brain hurts. I may be wrong. But I’ve met plenty who would prove me right.
So when I get annoyingly anxious, babbling about all the things in my head, “Don’t think too much” is the advice I get from right, left, corner – everywhere. And I try, I do.
But the problem is, when I try to think about how to think any less, I just wind up thinking more.
Follow @UjjwalaMaharjan
Love´em while you still have´em!
CILLA KHATRY
A few years ago I lost someone who was a big part of my life. She was a mother figure besides being a friend who could complete my sentences and knew exactly what was going on in my head when I had a particular expression on my face.
The fighter that she was, death was too alien a concept for her. She was making plans to go bungee jumping even when she was in a state where she needed help to go to the bathroom. There wasn’t a moment when I didn’t think she wouldn’t pull through. Cancer couldn’t take her down. Not this lady. She was way too strong for that. That’s what I thought. Until it did.
I still remember the day I walked in through those hospital doors and was surrounded by the eerie hum of the ventilator instead of the chirpy voice begging for her daily dose of gossip. The realization that she was gone was instant and I stood there unable to move or utter a word. From there on, everything sort of happened automatically.
Even after all this time I struggle to remember the details. Her funeral is still hazy. All I do know is that I didn’t have to do a thing that day except say goodbye and that she looked more peaceful and rested than she had for a long long time.
I vaguely remember my maternal uncle sobbing while holding on to her leg. I did nothing to comfort him. My mind was in complete disarray with a million thoughts, and I was wondering if the tears were because of the regret that perhaps he didn’t treat her well and didn’t love her as much as he could have.
Not the nicest thing to be thinking when someone is so torn, but I had seen too much not to judge him for his actions. Crying wouldn’t erase the mistakes he had made and the pains he had put her through. Being nice to her after she was diagnosed with cancer couldn’t make up for the years of neglect.
It’s true that more often than not, love is selfish. It stems from needs – the need to be loved, a need to have someone to call our own – rather than affection for the other person. Whatever the case be, life is too uncertain to hold back. And love isn’t something to be held back, either, and you have to be ready to make compromises and sacrifices for the ones you claim to love while you still have them in your life. Regret is of no use.
One “what if” grips me even after all these years. My uncle wanted to take her to Delhi but he couldn’t do that alone. I didn’t volunteer to go with them because I had my studies and work commitments to think of, and I really really believed she would fight it and be okay soon.
Maybe if we had taken her to Delhi, she would still be alive!
Losing someone you love is always tough. But tougher is living with the guilt that you didn’t do enough when you had that someone around. So love the ones who matter and love them wholeheartedly. Else it’s the “what ifs” that consume you with regrets and you have to battle to stay sane.
Follow @cillakhatry
Hello summer!!
NISTHA RAYAMAJHI
Since summer’s here, it’s such a pleasant sight to see the jacarandas lining up on some of the sidewalks of the streets of Kathmandu. It’s just spectacular to see the purple-colored flowers bloom from the trees. The jacaranda trees always remind me of my schooldays as we had a few of them on our school grounds.
During our lunchtime, we would sit on the grass and slip the trumpet-shaped flowers on our fingers and flaunt them as nails and also collect them as many as we could.
Jacaranda trees in the capital are rare, though. How I wish I could see more of those trees in other parts of the city as well.
Childhood summers used to be more about outdoors and in sync with nature. I still remember how obsessed I was with water as a kid, and the best part of summers always used to be swimming.
I often feel nostalgic as I reflect upon those days when I tried to learn how to swim for the first time and was so excited when I could finally do it. Summer vacations would be the best as the weekdays would also be like weekends. Also going for long trips during summertime always added to the pretty fond memories I have of summers.
I have often heard people complaining about the harsh coldness of winter and the extreme hotness of summers. But I’m one of those who just love both seasons equally. Whenever winter is approaching, I think about the joy of just basking in the warmth of the sun and adorning ‘em winter apparels. Not to forget, relishing those warm foods while sunbathing.
Talking about summer, just the word itself brings lots of ‘fun’ ideas into my head. Besides the summery colorful dresses that we get to wear, it’s all about vibrant and colorful things. Colors, I believe, just bring out life in everything. I have always been fond of colors as just a peek into my wardrobe, which is quite colorful, would show how much I’m into shopping for colorful stuffs.
Not so long ago, on a full-moon day, the moon looked so huge, calm and pretty. That night I couldn’t stop staring at the moon and was so lost in the beauty of the night which was complemented by the moon.
W.H. Davies said it right when he opened his poem “Leisure” with these lines:
What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare?— Read the rest of the poem to see what I mean by lying on the grass on a summery day. It’s a fact which I’ve come to realize, that as the years pass and we get pretty much tied up with so many responsibilities, many of us tend to forget to appreciate the beauty of nature.
This summer, I shall try to spend as much time as I can in the open. Moreover, there’s nothing like the joy of lying on the grass, feeling the summer breeze, and seeing the clouds turn into different shapes.
Also, I’m trying to make the most of it as we would never know how great this summer had been until it’ll be gone.
Follow @Nisthaz
Related story
New York Writers Workshop and Himalayan Literature Festival to...
