Long distance as a way of life

The very adorable Drew Barrymore and equally so Justin Long star in a romantic comedy titled “Going the Distance.” I laughed (and okay, almost cried at times) as I watched. But then, as the director attempted to demonstrate the agony of six hours, I had to roll my eyes.[break]



Even if there is a half a (daylight) day difference between California and New York City, it’s not about the miles or the time zones as much as the mediums available to connect. I should know: long distance has been the name of the game for me these past few years - as it has been, I am slowly learning, for more and more people I meet.



Now, if you want tips on how to maintain such relationship, read no more.  I’m not Dr. Phil. I have friends who like to remind me that when they went to Italy for six months, they broke up with their boyfriends before they had settled in their new apartment. Or that after dragging the relationship on until their return flight, they broke up the week after - one had changed, seen things, done things. In short, apparently the other couldn’t relate. So I’ve heard lots of advice that go along the lines of “Get out now - you’re gonna break up either way.”



And yet when you meet the “right” guy (or girl in some of your cases), you are reluctant to call it off just because they’ll be, you know, halfway around the world so you declare you’ll “make it” regardless. Then again, it helps to be in a country like Nepal where maybe half the couples are separated by scholarships and visas.



Reading Manjushree Thapa’s take on the pause button hitting our revolution earlier today, I thought of the thousand Nepalis who leave the homeland - on a daily basis. While Utsav does the math about how long before the city will empty, I think of how many of them may be leaving their wifves, girlfriends or crushes in the country.



I think it’s safe to say that most are young - in their 20s and 30s, wouldn’t you say? And, if not at this age, when does love blossom? So while I’m also talking about girlfriends who get their I20 and F1 and bid boyfriends adieu, it’s the same for the flood of young men and women who also leave for South East Asia and the Middle East so they can support their families, and in the process uphold our economy.



But talking about students and migrant labors leaves us with the false impression that it’s a newly developed syndrome. Because let’s not dismiss the flock of young men who have descended from the hills and the Tarai to work in Mahabharat for decades. And then there is our British Gurkha who may today be fighting to be called citizens of a country they were paid to fight for, but not too long ago they weren’t even in the same country as their girlfriends, wives and kids.



So I think of how they made it work before technologically enabled romance was an option.



Sure Facebook status updates and photos tagged clue us in on the significant others’ social life and general wellbeing (if and when email doesn’t). And Skype gives you the chance to interact audio visually in real time - except for when the screen freezes in the middle of an intense conversation and you are forced to drop your argument mid-sentence to ask, “Hey, can you hear me? Hey? Nod if you can…Wave? You there?” and you get nothing. With amazing deals for a number of destinations, phone calls are actually feasible even if text messages deliver three days after the fact.



For those of you in it with your better half halfway around the world, isn’t it the time difference that kills? Always sweet, but not always timely is to hear a mellowed voice sappily sigh, “Baby, I miss you” because they’ve called it a day and are unwinding at home while you are hustling your way into the micro so you make it to school/work/whatever on time.



Because no matter how hard you try to be with them in their state of mind, you will fail. Or on the flipside as you settle into the couch freshly showered and feeling mellow (your turn now), you put on your sweetest voice to drop a cheesy line, “Hey, I just called to say I love you” but they happen to be out at a bar, and what you get in response is “What’s that? You okay? … Listen, I’ll. Call. You. Back.”



Fun times, eh?



And with all the expectations and disappointments with email, Facebook, Skype and your phone, it’s still a world apart from letters that took three months to deliver and six months to get a response.



So, add Hellogoodbye’s “Is it Love?” to your playlist when you’re feeling sappy because you cant’ tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for, because you know it’s true, everything I do, I do it for you.



Nepaliketi is a KTM-based blogger who can be found at www.nepaliketi.net

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