Because between high school kids strutting on stages to be gowned and called “Dr” this-or-that this year, and people getting married, starting an actual career and heck, some even being as grown up as to be birthing babies (as in: starting real life families!), I was beginning to wonder what happened to me. My growing up trajectory looked alright for most of the part, well, right until I was actually supposed to have joined the champagne-glass clinking and heels swanking group of “young adults.” Sometime after my second job after college I seem to have dropped all my balls.[break]
While for most of my life till then I was one of those girls who people described as “so together” now I’m the freelancing free-spirited adult child who wakes up at 2pm and eats “dinner” at 2am. It seems normal to me, “You know, it’s the nature of my work,” I lie to myself more than to others.
But is it? Even the less employed ones who are my age-ish have it more together. They may not say so but they got PhD research proposals they are editing or resumes they’re beefing up. Even they are getting older and wiser by the minute, unlike the rest of us poor souls.
If you are in 9th or 10th grade you may think that people, like me, at 25 are “adults” as I used to categorize anybody above age 20 when I was a teenager. But instead of growing up, I am most definitely growing down. Is that’s even possible? Because while I’m not exactly pulling a Benjamin Button I’m most definitely more immature and less confident than I used to be! Sometimes I read older posts and think, “Dang, where did that girl go?!”
My eating and sleeping habits aside, I just don’t have the motivation to have it or get it together like I used to. I just don’t really want to grow up.
It was fun playing grown up my first year after college. Living on my own helped. You gotta call the plumber if the sink is clogged, you got to pay internet bills (on time, too!) and you absolutely must pay rent. Aside from payment you also need to act like you know what you’re doing. Things like a 9-to-5 job help keep up appearances as do a stable relationship and bonus points if you “work out” and “vacation.”
But I never wanted to grow up. I was the only one sad to be scooted from Elementary School to Middle School. While my class rejoiced at leaving the babies behind I was gloomy because I saw the size of 6th grade textbooks and I didn’t want more homework and I definitely didn’t want a longer school day.
The only problem is no one asks if you want to grow up. You just have to. It’s somewhat eased and made an awkward obstacle in Nepal at the same time. While on one hand you start earning you just “contribute” to household expenses, you’re not responsible in the same way and yet you are also told what time to haul your ass home. The manche le ke bhanla is now a legitimate concern – double so if you are a woman of my age and unmarried. There are more appearances to keep up with, more of the pretending to act your age to divvy out and lots more of uncertainty.
Maybe it’s my generation alone that is so confused because the routine college-job-marriage-kids is no longer the formula to “life.” I’m glad it’s more of an option these days, those who feel ready (or is it pressured?) can jump at that and the rest of us can sit, read, watch TV, ponder the meaning of life, stare at our resume, contemplate grad school, have nightmares about careers and kids.
All to say, if you have it together I salute you, if you’re lagging behind then we are partners in crime!
For more of Nepali Keti visit www.nepaliketi.net
Related story
Growing Debt, Slowing Reforms
