I guess I would have to agree in regards to my nature, after all, I identify more with a made-up Nepali cartoon character based on a rag doll that I bought at Archies in Durbar Marg, then I do with my stock job title of “writer-at-large.” But as you can see, Republica has not heeded this reader’s advice, so here I am, this time writing about mediocrity in Asia, and how it comes straight to you from America. (In other words, you can’t hush this puppy up.)
I have coined a term for such substandard items that cost Asians more then the original did back in the United States of Cheap Goods, and that term is “Hush Puppies.” A hush puppy is a product or idea that originally was OK – even substandard - but did not do so well in the USA, so it was shipped overseas where most Asians go ga-ga about anything that comes from the shores of America the Invincible.
Once on more Eastern soils, these hush puppies are sold as high-quality goods, and at exorbitant prices. Take for example the brand of shoes called Hush Puppies®, from which my term originates. When I was a kid in school, trying to look cool - but being a doofuss underneath hip looking clothes - my parents forced me to wear orthopaedic shoes from the Hush Puppies line, which at the time, was the only company in America making such in small sizes. Actually, this brand is from the industrial work boot maker Wolverine, who has made sturdy work shoes since the Early Pioneer days, but none that could remotely be called stylish.
These orthopedic Hush Puppies were the most hideous looking of shoe, and put one on the same footing as a cripple, or if in Jr. High, made one stand out like a leper. There were also constructed in such a fashion to wear out within a single school year, to assure sales for the following term if said child had not committed suicide by then, or perhaps run away and joined the circus.
To no one’s surprise, this line of school shoe only lasted from the ‘50s until the late ‘60’s, when American kids stopped listening to whatever their parents had to say as far as dress or behavior went. But the damage had been done...no one in their right mind (or in America) would buy a Hush Puppy from then on out.
As Asians, we are getting leftover junk from America, and during this downturned economy, paying premium dollar while still loving it all the same.
So on a recent shopping junta to BKK, I was mightily surprised to see a huge banner in front of a high-end mall advertising Hush Puppies. Childhood trauma set in as I hobbled clubfoot like into the shoe shop to see what the hell this was all about. There they were, the new and improved Asian line of shoddily built Hush Puppies – all at insane prices!
This was a turning point in my life, being a mediocre export from America myself. The entire concept of global capitalism suddenly became crystal clear. My confusion over trade deficits and credit default swaps instantly vaporized. It was a footwear and economic realization with nirvana-like qualities. And this shoe-store awakening put into perspective all the other hush puppies we find in Asia today, like KFC, Marlboro, Apple Pie, Zippo, Valentines Day, and Cyber Shops (might as well throw in Cyber Sansar).
All the tawdry Western ideas that you can think of (please write in with your own) can all be lumped into this category of hush puppy: Political Correctness, Bitchy Attitudes, TGIF, Mental Heath Care, Friday the 13th, UFOs, and Fashion Websites are just a few that come to this mediocre mind. Electric Blankets, Car Alarms, Tinted Windshields for Computer Screens, the Ab Machine and the Clapper as Seen On TV are just a few of the worthless products currently on the Nepali market that would also fall into this category. (The Clapper is a wall plug that turns on your lights or appliances by clapping your hands together, one clap for lights, two claps for TV, assuming you are OK in the load-shedding schedule.)
The list is endless, but the implication is finite. As Asians, we are getting leftover junk from America, and during this downturned economy, paying premium dollar while still loving it all the same. Market-failed philosophies are exported as well: Work harder, faster, get ahead of the curve, and still have time for a round of golf. Exercise (don’t forget the Ab Machine), eat right, look right, don’t smoke (anything), go buy a new Chevy...build the economy, spend lots of money, don’t save any money, and it’s not okay to spank your kids. Don’t protest about anything, just shut up, and there now, be a good little robot...
These are all examples of hush puppies exported from the West, and I only bring them to your attention as the New Nepal begins to grow legs, and will soon be on her feet. Because when it comes down to it, it’s all about footwear...and quality of life. Drinking the western Kool-Aid™ (another hush puppy) and wearing old ideas cast from afar will get you on your feet and moving fast, but perhaps going in the opposite direction of where you want to eventually be.
You can post your favorite hush puppy online at www.myrepublica.com.
(Herojig is quirky-kinda expat happily living in the Kathmandu valley with Nepali family, friends, and a very large dog.)
herojig@gmail.com
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