This is the time to struggle through the present

Dear Swastika,

I’m an introvert and also quite shy. I’m very bad at making small talks with people, especially in unprofessional settings. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is an extrovert and has a wide circle of friends. He takes me to places where I need to ‘socialize’ with a lot of people. We try to avoid it but sometimes it’s just not possible. Most of his friends think I’m vain and arrogant. I also hate myself for not being able to be ‘social.’ What can I do to help myself?

- Introvert

I believe we are who we are – there are some things that are very innate to us. But if you value the relationship that you have with your boyfriend and want to be a part of what’s important to him, you can always find a way to work around it. For that, think about what you have – think about your strengths. As an introvert, you may have the ability to form deeper relationships – instead of small talk, engage in deeper conversations. You may have a beautiful smile – so just smile a lot. You may be a really good listener – listen with love and care. You may be a good cook – invite a few people at a time and cook for them. You may like giving gifts – no need to say much, just get them small things that say you care. Right now you’re thinking about what you don’t have, don’t like and can’t do. Think about what you have, what you can do instead and what you like – and put it to work. The foundation of every strong relationship is the willingness of the one to try, and work things out for the other.



Dear Swastika,

I’m a college student and have a fulltime job to worry about too. During my days off, I get many invitations for movies and hangouts from my cousins, old school friends and college pals. I cannot divide myself into pieces to be available for all of them, and turning any one down disheartens me. I fear they will be upset with me for not giving them time and they will cut off from me. What should I do?



- Confused Workaholic

I don’t know if you’re a workaholic but I might agree that you’re confused. What do you want, what do you value, and what do you fear? If you want a good relationship with everyone, it’s as simple as dividing up your weekends in a way that you get to meet with each group once a month or once in two months. That’s enough to keep your relationships going. But maybe I’m reading too much into this – but you sound stressed. It sounds that your college plus your work is getting the best of you and you’re not being able to find joy and love in things you’re doing. It sounds like something else is bothering you. Remember, Albert Einstein said that time is relative – we can always make time for things we really want and really need. But then we’re back to the question – what do you want, what do you value, what do you fear?



Dear Swastika,

I have a huge crush on this girl from college and being around her is always fun. She also lightens up when talking to me but I don’t think she thinks of me as more than a friend. We’ve been friends just for three months. Would it be appropriate if I asked her out?

- Secret lover

Yes, why not? What could go wrong with asking her out? She could say yes, or say no, or she could slap you on your face and curse at you and call you names! (Just kidding). The art of courting is to take things slowly and pay really good attention to clues. Asking out seems like a safe next step. Cliché, as it may sound, but you can always tell her that you are interested in asking her out, and if you did, would she come? If she says ‘yes,’ you can take a leap forward, and if she says ‘no,’ you can take a leap back and continue to be good friends with her again. Confusing your crush with tricky questions is an art of courting that will take you sometime to get good at, but good luck and have fun (smiles).



Dear Swastika,

My girlfriend and I have been in relationship for the past eight years. Currently, I’m studying in the US while she’s studying and working in Kathmandu. I’ve been here for about two years, and despite whatever people talk about long-distance relationships, we’ve been able to maintain our relationship pretty well. But it seems like I can’t return to Nepal anytime soon, and the distance is killing me. I have no motivation at all to do the things I had always dreamt about. Day and night, I keep telling myself that it was the worst decision of my life to have come here. All I want to do is be with my girl. Given our financial status, she can’t afford to come here. She’s very supportive, but I know she wishes we were together, too. Should I come back – For the sake of our love?

- SM

I absolutely understand what you’re going through. I remember when I was leaving for the US, my dad said, “Never look back. Those who look back, turn into statues of stone.” I didn’t understand. Did he mean that I was never to come back to Nepal again, I was never to come back to my parents and that I would have no connection to anything and anyone from my past? But then, I gradually understood and in fact never looked back. I was there for five years, I lived to my fullest, I worked hard, and I gave my best in college. Now back in Nepal, I have my parents, my family, people I love, friends and a job I love. In those years, I had never looked back, and I realized that if we keep moving forward, life will bring us back everything that we value and treasure. If you constantly look back, you too will turn into a stone – you’ll not be able to move on to things you dreamt about. This is the time to struggle through the present, fight it, get what you want, and keep marching forward. Soon enough, life will bring you back everything you love and treasure, right in front of you.

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