We hear stories about molestation and harassment, all the while assuming that something that horrendous cannot happen to any of us or to people we love. Such cases make headlines everywhere and the majority of reported stories only speak about the damage done. When it comes to sexual harassment, prevention is 100 per cent better than any cure, in whatever form.[break]
Psychologist Karuna Kunwar believes that this is one of the many myths surrounding child sexual abuse: the fact that none of us believe it could happen in our family.
“Even I would feel like that. Most of us will believe that it happens only in poorer and uneducated households. But the truth is, it can happen to any one of us, regardless of status and situation. Parents should be aware of this fact.”
She says that abuse mostly happens within the circle of family and daily life, for instance, a father, an uncle, a teacher or the school bus driver.
Kunwar cites a recent case she had dealt with where a four-year-old girl was raped by her maternal uncle. According to her, the child would often spend time with her uncle, and her mother would also ask him to pick her up from school.
Sex education is an important tool against any possible mistreatment. Knowledge of something bad happening backed by the instinctive feeling of discomfort will prove to be helpful during such situations. However, parents still shy away from teaching their children about sex because they are under the impression that it only involves intercourse.
Kunwar states, “Parents can start educating their children about the rights and wrongs of touching after they are six years old. But parents find that awkward and it hardly happens. In fact, intercourse is only one part of sex education and parents can leave that part out for until such times when the children are older.”
To begin with the instructions, the parent can start by asking children the names of body parts and what areas they think are sensitive. Focus on three areas – private parts, including chest and buttocks, and teach them that it is not okay for a stranger to touch them. A parent has to be present even when a doctor is looking after them. The children should be aware that in case of any danger, it is important to shout and inform their parents, despite any threats they may have received.
Likewise, a parent or guardian ought to be attentive to the behavioral signs of abuse. If your child suddenly lacks appetite, loses interest in playing, wets the bed or has nightmares, it is most likely that something is wrong. Irritation, crying and tantrums are signs of depression in a child.
Hostels are not always the safest place for children. Despite what parents think, children are not always safe just because they are segregated from the other sex. Same-sex abuse is prominent in hostels where children of different ages live together. Boys are as vulnerable as girls to abuse.
Awareness Campaign against Molestation, Nepal (ACAM-Nepal) is an initiative by Punjita Pradhan who started with a group of friends.
Punjita, 26, says, “The idea for the campaign started when a group of us found out that we had all been molested at some point in life. Some of us were speaking about it for the first time. It shocked me that even us, who are young and educated, still cannot bring ourselves to speak about it with our parents.
“So I felt there was a need to start this campaign because prejudices over the issue are still prevalent in our society,” she continues. “Despite its grave consequences, awareness among people is very little. Victims are not talking about it, and the community looks upon the victims with wrong notions while the culprits are freely doing it. Because of our society’s attitude towards the whole phenomenon, the culprits are encouraged to commit such crimes.”
Since April this year, she has been actively making public presentations and visiting schools to talk to young children. During her talks, she also includes the ‘Underwear Rule’ designed by the European Council so that children have a clearer picture of what the talk is about.
“I have also formed micro groups in schools who, upon the school’s assignment, will conduct activities to raise awareness against sexual abuse in their own schools,” she explains.
Some students have also mentioned about being victims of molestation. However, an older group, between 19 to 56 years of age she has talked to, is uncomfortable with the idea of talking about it with the campaign.
There are long-term repercussions of child sexual abuse that a victim may have to deal with. Feelings of shame, substance abuse, promiscuity, eating disorders and poor body image are just some of the devastating burdens they will carry with them.
Kunwar has been practicing for 12 years and she says that the cases of child abuse that come to her mostly have to do with rape or attempted rape. Abuses involving verbal or just touching are often settled by families who believe that the situation has been mended by talking to the perpetrator. These cases don’t come to professionals and are not reported, leading to the misconception that child sexual abuse is not rampant.
She has handled cases involving girls as young as one year old, and boys who are 10 years old. Parents are overwhelmed with guilt and become overprotective, which is not the answer. Child sex abuse can happen to anyone and in any kind of situation. Be aware, therefore, and raise your voice.
For more details, log on to www.underwearrule.org to teach and protect your child
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