However, Adhikari feels it was just bound to happen. [break]
“I should admit that this is my first very strong and dependable relationship and I pray for a lasting one,” Teju says, blushing.
However, Badri Pun, a female to male transgender, can hardly believe his love for Teju and Teju´s inclination towards him would be for life though he also desperately wants it to be so.
“We are committed to each other and have been living as a couple since a year now. However, I fear it will not last though I want none other than her for the rest of my life. I find it hard to believe she would develop interest in a man in future,” maintains Badri.
The bitter experiences he himself and many others like him have gone through have, in fact, made Badri conclude that a permanent conjugal partnership is near impossible for a transgender.
“Teju is a very intelligent and strong girl and I am so impressed by and in love with her. However, I have seen so much in life and I fear the unexpected turns that conspire against us.”
Another transgender (also female to male), Dev Gurung, has a story that´s no different. A girl who had vowed to love him till death tied the knot with another man of her choice three years ago. One year later, Gurung, 34, himself fell in love with and married Sunita Ale. However, the attitude of the girl´s family and the issue of offspring have been creating a distance between the couple these days. “I wish I could adopt a child right now. But I´m not sure that will satisfy her,” he worries.
In Badri´s case, Teju is his fifth partner. “This fact is enough for people to term me fickle of heart or unfaithful. But that is not so. I always tried to save my relationships but failed,” he says.
According to him, his relationships last four to six years. The reason behind the separations in two of them was family pressure, as the girls´ guardians never wanted them to marry a transgender. “In the case of two others they were not fully certain whether they wanted me or a heterosexual man in their lives. Later, I came to know that though they were living with me they were also simultaneously in love with other men,” Badri adds.
It is, in fact, a challenge not only for female-to-male transgenders like Badri but also for male-to-female transgenders to find partners who are really interested in them for the long haul.
According to Pinky Gurung, president of Blue Dimond Socity (BDS), transgenders of both types want partners who accept and love them as they are. However, in most cases, social, family and sexual or biological issues cause their separation ultimately.
“In our case, though we take on the role of wives and live with males who say they want us, it is always us who make the compromises to help the relationship work out. They never make the compromises, perhaps because they have a choice,” elaborates Gurung.
“We fear separation as we want partners just like anybody else. But the males in the long run tend to dump us as they are concerned about offspring, something which we cannot give them,” she adds.
Requesting not to reveal his name, a male partner of a female-to-male transgender at BDS told Republica that many like him come in contact with transgenders just for some benefit ´though he himnself is not one of them´. “Men are hardly serious about relationships with transgenders. I have seen many cases where they finally choose heterosexual girls for marriage though they may have earlier dated and even establish live-in relationships with transgenders,” he said.
According to him, being transgender is a natural sexual orientation while their partners often happen to be homosexual. “And that is why the relationship crumbles,” he says.
Teju Adhikari, the college student, however challenges this stance. As she is madly in love with Badri she cannot imagine ever going away from him. “How many married men are really happy and satisfied, or how many married women for that matter? So, just because the larger section of society goes for heterosexual relationships it does not mean same-sex relationships are bound to fail. In fact, same-sex marriage must be legalized and duly respected,” she counters.
Meanwhile, Pinky Gurung interestingly informs that legalization of same-sex marriage is in fact in progress. “The Home Ministry recently decided to provide citizenship to third genders under the ´others´ category and legalization of same-sex marriage is in progress. I think it will happen sooner than later. It is actually very important to protect people from unnecessary exploitation.”
However, she is not very hopeful that legalized status alone would make a big difference.
According to Gurung, it is not only because of lack of a legal framework that same-sex marriage is far less stable than heterosexual ones. “Basically it is the biological factor. It depends upon couples and the issue of offspring certainly takes a toll,” she stresses.
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