I once had a friend tell me they had tried making it to meetings and events on time, but since they were bound to start a full hour later, he’d decided to not waste his time and instead arrive sixty minutes after the “scheduled” hour. Stumped much? I was.
When I was new at this waiting thing, I used to assume it was just for a few minute so I’d re-tie my hair, check my watch, look at the ceiling and only make that call after a full twenty minutes had passed to meekly ask if I had meandered into the wrong restaurant or written the wrong time or had the wrong date. Nope. I had the right place, time and date.
Turns out it seems they (it’s always the ubiquitous “them”) were “stuck in traffic” without even the decency to tell me they’d be late. I suppose when you are not the thulo manche it is your duty to plant your butt on a chair and then offer that delighted smile when they do decide to grace us with their presence.
We’d be more forgiving if being late were the exception and not the norm. You do run into Uncles and Aunties in this small city and you are obliged to stop and chat. Sometimes there is a real accident leading to traffic jams. And sometimes you do forget your wallet and have to run back home. But, that’s sometimes, and even then a phone call would make sense.
But, I love how they laugh it off, “oh, I’m so sorry, the traffic” like I’m supposed to nod in agreement and exasperatedly sigh along, “oh, please, don’t be sorry”. But, do I mean it? Of course not, because I too had to untangle myself from the very same traffic.
Kathmandu, after all, is small enough that should there be a jam in Maitighar it will stretch to Tripushwer to Thapathali to Sahid Gate and the whole city (including all the back roads) will be choked within minutes. But, this isn’t to complain about Kathmandu ko traffic which is just a given, it’s about the Kathmanduites. Because really two days of living in this city teaches you to calculate traffic whenever you are headed wherever.
Then again, it’s not just about being late because of traffic. I have a sneaking suspicion it’s also to communicate their importance to us. It’s so we feel, heck, we experience the significance of every minute they are offering us mere mortals. When they leisurely walk in 40 minutes past the “scheduled” time, it’s so we realize we have a demigod amidst us.
Or is that it?
I groan at the way Nepal is described – of a land where time has stood still, where the minutes slip by quietly. I hate that kind of wording of this otherwise bustling and vibrant city. So, while it’s great we aren’t slaves to the clock, it’s a shame we can’t respect others’ time.
Because maybe, just maybe they just don’t care. Maybe it just doesn’t occur to them that we too have lives and responsibilities and other things planned for the day, that we in fact had not intended to dedicate five hours for the scheduled two hours.
When you are meeting for casual events with friends or attending a party, it maybe all right. You can text them and say, “I’ve decided to change my outfit. I’ll be 3 hours late”. And, little to no harm will be done because it’s friends and you can treat them like dirt. No, not really, but you can be more relaxed with them. Though it’s still every bit disrespectful when you have a one-on-one coffee planned and they have you sipping three cups of cappuccino before strutting in acting as though 2 PM only just rolled around (and you are thoroughly jittery at this point).
Coffees, lunches, and hangouts I can forgive. But, in the professional world of meetings and due dates and deadlines it is not so okay. It’s not okay when people have been congregated. When having you come in on time (or okay, even 10 minutes within “on time”) is necessary for the meeting to proceed. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve waited for more than an hour for a meeting or an event to start. Sometimes the one convening the meeting asks if it´s all right that we give it a few minutes. At least they cared to ask even if you can’t really say “No, I was hoping to catch the 3 PM movie at QFX”, (you don’t have to be doing an open heart surgery, for you to want reign over your time).
What makes the late factor worse is the condoning of it. We order yet another glass of water, we wait for the room to fill, and the event is held until “they” walk in. Holding others up – from the caterers to the participants to the cleaning crew to the audience - for the sake of one individual or one group who couldn´t bother to take others’ who could not consider others’ time seriously has become a part of our “Nepali culture”.
I cringe when expats, foreign friends and Bideshi Nepalis in town can’t hide their surprise, “Oh, you’re on time”, because they’ve learned to expect SNT, Standard Nepali Time, of us Nepalis. As if it’s a shocker we can read time and am able to comprehend what “See you at 4PM on Tuesday” means. My IQ isn’t impressive, but that much I can handle. Then again, who can we blame when we are the ones that are perpetually late?
I groan at the way Nepal is described – of a land where time has stood still, where the minutes slip by quietly. I hate that kind of wording of this otherwise bustling and vibrant city. So, while it’s great we aren’t slaves to the clock, it’s a shame we can’t respect others’ time.
For now though it seems the being late bug is contagious. But I suppose that’s what you expect in a country where the Constituent Assembly will draft a constitution in satsatthi- athsatthi saal and we travel pachas-sathi meter. So, what’s the big deal in meeting at char-paanch baje?
Maybe my friend had it right all along. Maybe I just hadn’t been party to the silent understanding that I arrive at 3 PM for a 1 PM lunch date.
sradda.thapa@gmail.com
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