Nothing like home

“How miserable life can get in a foreign land!” my roommate exclaimed with a long sigh. I turned around and saw him listening to online deusi songs, probably trying to envisage the ambiance of Tihar festival that was being celebrated thousands of miles away back home in Nepal. Never before had I heard him listening to deusi songs, just English rap music. “This was a song we used to sing during deusi,” he said, staring at me wistfully, almost begging me to listen and share the joyous moment with him. As I stared back at him, I realized that one’s roots and culture are indeed powerful elements no matter how long a person lives in foreign shores.




My roommate, who had left Nepal six years back, has been living as a US citizen. Since then, he has missed Dashain and Tihar and a list of other Nepali festivals every year. “Whenever Tihar arrives, I cannot help crying,” he said. “It breaks my heart to think of my sister including dhaka topi and marigold garlands in her festival shopping list when bhai tika arrives each year.” With full of emotion and sadness, he said, “I am alone here with nothing but sweet memories of the festival I celebrated with my family back home.” When he breathed in, he seemed to inhale the imaginary aroma of freshly-cooked sel rotis that are made during Tihar. He wafted down memory lane recalling images of candle-lit households and sounds of firecrackers. He remembered having fun playing cards with his friends and relatives and playing deusi around the neighborhood. Overcome with fond memories, he suddenly became teary-eyed. He could not help it. “I can’t hold back my tears,” he said.



My friend is not alone to have been struck by homesickness during times of festivals. The reality is that majority of Nepalis living abroad feel the same or at least go through similar emotions. Though it is a matter of pride for them to have made it to the US, it can also be painful at times. Every year, many Nepalis, like my roommate, miss celebrating festivals that they had been celebrating since they were born. It definitely is difficult to let go of memories of happy moments shared with loved ones in your homeland during festival seasons. Thus, like each year, this year too Nepalis in the US tried to console themselves through songs and dramatic enactments during the occasions of Dashain and Tihar. They expressed their anxiety, frustration, boredom and obligation of being in the US and expressed how much they missed their culture. Notwithstanding the availability of modern facilities they could avail in US, members of the Nepali Diaspora are unable to replace the fun of celebrating their cultural festivals back home. Modern facilities may have provided them with physical comforts but they are hungry for mental, psychological and emotional comforts.



Those who attend such programs either ponder or watch what is being performed onstage or take part in it themselves to fill-up the emotional vacuum. This is how they achieve mental purgation and emotional catharsis. It is a different way of fulfilling their desires and going back to their roots. Indeed, the pain of not being able to celebrate festivals with your loved ones cannot be substituted by anything else. I too sobbed uncontrollably during bhai tika. I did so because nothing could assuage the pain I felt for missing tika from my sister’s hand.



tulsirames@yahoo.com

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