It’s also touching when people remember you on their special day, and make it a point to send an invite to be a part of the most important days of their lives. [break]
That is, unless the bride’s won a free shopping pass at Victoria’s Secret or the groom’s got a free ticket to a U2 concert; then that would make it the second most important days of their lives.
Nearly everything about a wedding, I attended recently seemed perfect-the day, the location and the ceremony itself where the pundit was being generous, while summarizing the mantras in a ‘mandap’ dripping with authenticity.
In fact, it was so authentic that the ceremony was being held at the rear of the house, on a stage built just for the occasion and obviously, with no air conditioning. And I was dripping. And it wasn’t just me.
As I stood there in the 34 degree heat, staring at the back of the groom, a small stream of sweat slid down his ear, welled into a droplet and clung to his earlobe for what seemed like almost a minute before being released, splashing on the shoulder of his seemingly new dark blue suit.
This scenario continued for the next 30 minutes, the time it took for the ceremony to get over, through all the hymns, yogurt tossing and the tika plate that got passed around and all that other stuff.
I’ve been to a lot of weddings before and since. Many have been a blast, but have their share of problems—some small, some major, some of which can be avoided.
And here is how:
1. Don’t expect your guests to show up in dark suits, especially if you plan on hosting a reception outdoors at 2 pm. In fact, please don’t ever have an outdoor ceremony at 2 pm. Wait until just before sunset, when the heat and humidity start to fade. For a change, ask your guests to show up with flip flops, shorts and bright Hawaiian shirts.
Isn’t the new Nepal all about bringing changes? And for God’s sake, please don’t choose a party venue seven kilometers from Ring Road, wherein the invitees have to drive for a good hour and a half in this godforsaken traffic to reach the venue. If you want the wedding to feel like a getaway, choose Kurintar Resort instead. I’ll gladly come, and drag my family along for good measure even if they have no idea who you are.
2. Some people have this perception that you’re best friends with them. Therefore, they make it a point to invite you to three straight days of their wedding and a reception afterwards. Now, I can’t talk on behalf of the ladies, but men usually have three good ‘party’ suits. The rest are ‘work suits’— read: regular, therefore cheap.
So by the time the reception rolls around, we’ll have to cough up some extra dough for a new suit lest the familiar guests notice clothes being repeated.. And I do not know if you know this about men, but we’re usually broke.
3. A new trend these days are that couples have become obsessed with the idea of hosting a pre-party before the actual wedding to ‘entertain’ their friends and close acquaintances. This is sweet. What isn’t, are these parties being labeled with ‘themes’. I once got invited to a ‘mehendi’ where the theme comprised of ‘kurta on top with blue jeans’. Now I’d rather be dead than get caught wearing that combination. Unless I receive an invitation from Sonia Gandhi herself, to replace Rahul Gandhi, only then I’d have to ask my friend in Lucknow to send me a kurta with chicken works.
4. Have you noticed how bloated everyone usually becomes by the end of the wedding season? That’s largely due to the combination of oil, mutton and rice topped off with ghee, served on extra large dishes at every wedding. I mean, does anyone even enjoy this kind of food anymore? Isn’t this something we usually get to eat at home when mom’s in a generous mood? Remember the best weekend the two of you ever had? Usually, best weekends are filled with barbeques and lots of cold beers. Why not try and make your wedding more like that? In case you haven’t realized, no one really wants to see the head of a wild boar sitting on a platter with a cigarette hanging from its dead mouth these days. Instead, if your wife or a girlfriend works for an animal rights organization, chances are she’ll feel more sorry rather than awed by your ‘connections’ which landed the poor wild thing there in the first place.
Yet at the same time, I also understand that weddings are usually bankrolled by one’s parents, and therefore it’s only right that they have it their way. If they didn’t, our generation would probably only invite 100 close friends and ignore the freebies. Nonetheless, if you can’t manage any of the above, at least make sure your bar is fully stocked up. Serve beer and cocktails until 8, whiskey until about 10, brandy and cigars thereafter. And remember, no bars close at p.m. If supplies within a bar don’t last until a.m., it’s not cool.
And by the way, if you’re one of the lucky guys getting hitched this summer, congratulations! Having said that, you should read this book by an author whose name I can’t seem to remember right now; but I’m pretty sure is a woman. It’s got wonderful marital advice. The book’s called ‘Women are from Venus, Men are wrong’.
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